Karaoke Dreams?

Singing, making music, creating art, its who I am. I’ve always had a song in my heart and a tune in my head, recently I just had to sing so I went to Karaoke I was a little nervous it had been a while. For the last 16 years I’ve been singing in choirs, on worship teams, leading worship sometimes and I had a lot of great experiences but today I remembered a few that had really been hard to let go of. The church is a funny place sometimes and when people are jealous and intimidated they don’t like to include you. One church actually told me there weren’t enough microphones for me to join the worship team. Well seriously, ok I tried to move on and be a bigger person, and then the pastor asked me one day where I would like to ‘serve’ in the church and I said um worship. He would let me do specials, or have me come up and share a prophetic chorus but his reply to what I had been told by his brother ‘the worship leader’ about there not being enough mics blew me away.

“Yes, they are intimidated by your voice and some of them are jealous, they have a lot of growing to do.”

What do you say to that? at the time I laughed because there was a time when I was younger that I enjoyed intimidating people, it was fun, but I had grown out of that thank god and I was really hurt. Things like this happened over and over again at different churches, and boy, if you can’t sing forget about getting up on stage to worship God, no one wants to hear an off key worship singer right!! Sorry for my judgmental cringe lol

So when I went to Karaoke I was a little anxious, I sat and watched and listened before I committed and a few things really stuck out and helped me step out. Everyone there was having fun, not everyone could sing, no one was excluded, everyone was encouraged, not everyone could sing lol, but seriously, it felt so good to release a song, to feel the energy grow within, to watch it affect others, and remember how to have fun.

I’m definitely planning to go back, maybe I’ll say hi to a few people and make some new friends!

What if ?

I didn’t plan for this piece to have so much texture, its fluid art after all. So what happened? some of my paint was not the right consistency, thick paint doesn’t flow and it cracks which is how it relieves the stress that the paint is under as its trying to move around the canvas, trying to even itself out before it dries. I never once thought about throwing it out, I wouldn’t call it damaged or a mistake. This piece has its own unique beauty because of the cracks and texture, its beautiful and amazing. What if I had thrown it out, what if I had painted over it, what if?

Earlier this week I was thinking about “mental illness” specifically diagnoses of detachment, dissociation, ptsd, and de-personalization. These are ways that our brains cope with situations that could possibly destroy us otherwise, they relieve the stress. So why is it illness? I think the strength my mind has is beautiful and amazing, the ability to keep going under the most horrifying circumstances, to detach from emotion. What if this is a gift not an illness, what if we can learn to use these tools of the mind for wholeness, what if we could see the beauty in all things, what if we could see the beauty in all people, what if?