Super Blood Wolf Moon

Super Blood Wolf Moon

Sounds so dangerously intriguing doesn’t it? Well, I thought so, that’s why I decided to go to a Super Blood Wolf Moon Women’s Circle…… It was such an uplifting time, much of it was spent writing a new story for ourselves, letting go of the past. I was so excited when I learned this and of course mine came out POEtic!!

I’m a wild one riding the waves, ready to jump into the flames

water & fire can they mix?

Watch me emerge, I am the flame that clears the way, I am the water that flows into each new day

Taking up my space within the earth, awaiting new birth

Flying in the air without a care

Soaring high and low, spiraling around, finding the flow

My hearts at peace with who I am, to anyone with a problem, be damed

I’ve embraced my shadow and let her in, part of the journey of integration

Letting all my parts out with a howling shout, this is me, the good, the bad, the ugly

My song will enchant you and fill you with peace, like a wave from the ocean filled with fiery heat

Dancing with the flames, to others its insane

But I have no fear of the fire, or my own desires

Sexual energy flows through my veins, in the deepest part, I will no longer be ashamed

I am woman hear me roar, this is my story, together with yours, we are numbers too big to ignore!

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Don’t Look Back, Your Not Going That Way

Don’t look back, your not going that way

Don’t look for others to light your way, stoke the fire within and begin this new day

As the fire grows, let it burn up the ties that keep you locked to the lies

Let it burn, let it be kindle and feed the flames, Let it burn, let it surge through your veins,

Your coming alive like never before so let it burn and don’t you dare look back, your not going that way anymore

Memory Lane: Journey Through The Darkness

Memory Lane – Journey Through The Darkness and Beyond


The fog is thick, I can feel the weight, it’s hard to see the memories, I just want to FREEZE

In the shadows stand the houses of horror.

So much fear of what’s inside, my mind makes a split and decides not to go along for the ride

When I try to push through, the panic comes

but I will conquer the fear, I will not run

I’ll boldly walk forward, nothing can stop me, it’s all over

———–Approximate Ages 0-3————

Security and love are what an infant need, I had my 2 year old brother taking care of me.

Hungry and scared I’m sure I cried, but often only he replied.  

Starting out life so dark, as a toddler he knew how to make my milk then get himself a pop tart.

He did a good job taking care of me, then baby brother made three.

Hungry again, the cupboards bare, big Brother had so much to bear.

It’s a miracle we’re alive, the three of us walking down Treat Hwy, an infant, me 3, and him 5

Those basic needs are building blocks, what we need to move on to something new, a faulty foundation makes it all askew,

tear it down and build it up, Source of Life I need your help

————Approximate Age 3-6————–

Oh the things these eyes have seen, such ugly evil schemes

Oh the things these ears have heard, a screech just like a bird

Like a bird trapped in a cage, a screeching bird full of RAGE

Oh the things these hands have touched, poky, smooth, and rough

Oh the things this mind has endured, pain, detachment, no sense of self, secrets must be kept, no cries for help.

The lies, the truth which one is worse, the battle is real, block it out to not feel

Oh the things this body has experienced, frozen in place, stuck and furious.

Ready to fight at the perception of a threat, what will be next

Always stuck in the cycle, fight or flight, begging for balance and peace for just one night

Oh the things this heart has held, the darkness the light, the joy the pain, the love the fear, letting no one near

————Approximate Age 6-9————

In the darkness it seemed so cold, Loneliness was my home

hidden away from the pain and horror of the truth behind the those doors

Anything to protect the system was the job of some,

The protector, cold and hard, barely holding on

Its really an illusion based on lies and false security, you stole my purity

You liked to watch and others knew. How many times did she let you?

You went beyond, you didn’t stop, your depraved self continued to groom, preparing for the bedroom.

Big and scary was how I saw you, but your scrawny and weak, yet you made my life so bleak.

Your desire and lust almost destroyed me, but I’ve taken back my life, as for yours, we’ll see.

You’ve both been exposed for what you are, selfish to the core, selling your children, what a whore.

You can’t beat hate out of a child after all the neglect, and nothing can make up for that.

But it’s ok I’m stronger now, able to see the illusions all around, seeing I don’t need you, there’s no place for you in my life, seeing through all your bullshit, neither of you had the right.

That’s a story that would replay, people taking my rights away.

I never understood, I couldn’t say NO if I did, out came the wood, the piece of 2X4 that made the tears flow.                   

I remember the knot in that piece of wood tucked away in the drawer, waiting for your rage to come, ready for more.

I’ve wondered what your dad did to you, when I went to his house I’m sure you knew. You knew he couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and so did your mother so why did she yell

She yelled at me for throwing up, it was from his nauseating menthol breath and horrifying touch.

Just another pothole on along the journey on these Michigan roads, longing for light, dying for life

———–Approximate Age 9-11————

Cousin Todd was a bit odd and he wasn’t blood at all.

Rarely seen but once in a while we’d have to see his crooked smile.

The look he had when he touched me there was dastardly for sure, and his intent was very clear. He went on to be accused of inappropriate behavior I wasn’t surprised, he is a narcissistic manipulator.

Perhaps if I had told someone those things wouldn’t have happened, but I was taught years before to keep it inside and hide, to detach from my body, completely depersonalize.

You have no idea unless you KNOW the actions of others hurt us so, where did I go? I don’t remember but I’d like to know.


———Approximate age 12-13———–

You dropped us off on that porch one night when no one was home, I had no idea, but it was your plan all along

It was chilly and dark, another nightmare about to start

——-Walks through the park

What a great night, on the way home there’s a little bit of moonlight

Time with friends, no cares in the world, what a fun adventure, but that’s not how this night would end

Danger, Danger ahead, he looks like a giant and wants the grass to be our bed

The alcohol is what I smelled, I don’t know what I yelled Unwanted kisses, pinned on the ground, would  anyone hear my sounds

Many parts are not clear, was I frozen? was I fighting? DOES IT MATTER? welcome to my life of fear

His name was Bart and he was well liked, but he had no right Why do men think they do? why do men look at you?

I heard a voice yell STOP but he was still atop

Tracy Derr an angel for sure came running up and he knew how to get tuff

He pushed Bart off we watched him stumble away, In that moment a connection was made, one of love for another that swept the fear away

We never spoke of that night again, and though our paths didn’t cross much we are forever friends.

Today I walked through that park with my headphones on to not hear the crunch of the leaves on the ground. Feel what you feel, know what you know, and let it all go.

Another day

Oh the park, it’s almost dark. I’ve made this trip a million times,

What’s that noise? It would appear my senses are on high alert, and there are creepers near

Following in the distance, keeping pace they steadily persist. Danger, Danger, once again, keep it together, keep your head

There’s the bathrooms, I’ll run inside and hide

I can hear them talking, I’m terrified

Shaking in the corner waiting for them to leave, is this really my reality?

I hear another voice, this one I can understand

I think it’s safe to exit now, quiet as a mouse, keep building the fear of man

————————————-

I have to keep walking. It’s scary, it’ll hurt but pain is not the end

It’s the beginning of something new if you feel it, and release it, but if you keep it inside it will kill you softly, slowly, slithering through your mind coming out as fear, anger, shame & bitterness the same. You can’t block it or stay in your bubble, feel what you feel, and know what you know, then let it all go.

————————————-

Memories, memories, I know there were good times, it’s just so hard to find them in my mind. The field of snake grass, the willow tree, and fossil hill, Grandma Taylor’s was a place I could be still & free.

The scrambled eggs and chocolate chip cookies were her specialty, she was always so comforting and took good care of me.

But she never knew the secrets I kept, maybe a few but not the depth.

Part of my programming, keep it inside, never tell others and wear your disguise.

Be a good little girl, use all your manors. No elbows on the table, the worthless things that mattered.

Never a kind word out of your mouth, constant berating, I hated myself.

I learned so many lies while in your care, lies about my hair, you called it a rats nest said it was always a mess.

You said I would never be enough I would never measure up, for far too long I believed your lies and stayed in that cycle of hell.

But now I’ve awoke and I can see your jealousy was your hell as well.

I wish you well Linda Lou, and hope to never see you.

Father, Father, what can I say but please stay away. I’ll no longer stay silent your secrets I’ll no longer keep, what you sow you will reap. So watch yourself and what you do, if I find out, I will tell on you.

I know there’s more locked away, but it doesn’t matter, it’s a new day


——————————————————

I saw you the other day, in a normal way

strolling down the grocery store aisle with your denial smile

Three years is a long time to let go, and when I saw you, your just someone I don’t know

I call that freedom to have no ties and to not live under the lies so this is my final goodbye

———————————————————

How many tears can you cry in a day?

How many tears to chase the pain away?

Tears are good they say!

Good for the soul, good for the heart, good to shed the salty sorrow from deep within and find a fresh start

Tears of sorrow, tears of pain, tears of joy, let it rain

Let them stream down your face wherever they land your making space

Space within to fill with jlove, to fill with joy and dreams to come

Feel what you feel and know what you know, then let it all GO

This cleansing flow will not let you down, but, don’t hold it in or you will drown

——————————————————-

It’s time to say goodbye to the sorrow and the pain

It’s time to say goodbye and wake up to a new day

It’s time to say goodbye to the familiar ways of fear that keep you chained to a lie that no ones near

Turn instead to the source the source of life of breath of being

It’s time to say hello to the Light

It’s time to let if flood your spirit, soul, mind, and body, and ready you for flight

The fog is changing, its filled with peace and alive with energy, is this finally an end to my lethargy?

I have hope that LOVE will continue to change me from the inside out, LOVE is what it’s all about

Forgiving their deeds and being ok with me, this is me, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly

—————————————

This journey doesn’t follow a very straight path, it takes detours,

isn’t concerned with hills or sharp s-curves,

sliding along on a sheet of ice back and forth complicating life


Happy Solstice The Darkest Day

It’s time to say goodbye to the sorrow and the pain

It’s time to say goodbye and wake up to a new day

It’s time to say goodbye to the familiar ways of fear that keep you chained to a lie that no ones near

Turn instead to the source of life of breath of being

It’s time to say hello to the Light

It’s time to let if flood your spirit, soul, mind, and body, and ready you for flight,

let your light shine

As the days get shorter, the clouds are all too familiar, and the darkness seems to take over, let your light shine

As the sun seems to move further away, and coldness moves into your bones, don’t be afraid it’s only for a moment, let your light shine

This rebirth is nothing new, position yourself for the view, flow with the tilt of the axis and let your light shine

Empty your mind of all the worry, have faith in your journey, and let your light shine

Stay close to kindred Souls, encourage one another, fill your days with laughter, and let your light shine

There’s a shift coming, don’t fight it, don’t run, let go, learn to have fun, and let your light shine

Beautiful Souls,

may you come alive like never before, may you follow the wind moving forward through every open door,

may your path be lit with the light from within, growing ever brighter helping others begin

Let your light shine

US v. THEM

Have you noticed how often the word “THEY” is used when talking about people who aren’t just like us? Well I have and it really got to me tonight. In reference to a post containing economic growth facts, and the first reply I got was “THEY have their own “facts” which are lies that THEY have been told. The media has THEM duped. I pray THEY see through the lies.” Sadly sooooo many people live, in an US v. THEM world and from my experience, its exhausting and gets you nowhere. Who are THEY anyways? All of this made me think about my 9th Great Grandmother Provided Southwick Gaskill, her family practiced Quaker religious beliefs, and at that time there was an US v. THEM between the Quakers and the Protestants/Puritans. They worshiped the same God but, they didn’t agree on how to do that. The Puritan church thought that EVERYONE had to worship as they did, attending services and paying tithes. Provided’s family didn’t like the way the Protestants worshiped and continued to worship the Lord there God with all the hearts, souls, minds, and strength in their homes. They didn’t believe you needed a Priest, church, money system, or hierarchy, they didn’t agree with the need for compelling religious uniformity in society,,,  The Gaskill family had been arrested several times for not attending ‘church’ and not paying their tithes. CAN YOU IMAGINE? I can. You see, when Quaker missionaries arrived in the US in 1655 they were not liked, especially when they reached Massachusetts, where four Quakers were executed. They were persecuted because of their threat to the Puritan church and the Governmental authority. I wanted to understand all of this better because it seems so familiar.

I was never a big fan of history class, but I remember the basics, the refugees made an exodus and wanted to establish a country in which the separation of church and state, and the freedom to practice one’s faith without fear of persecution, was guaranteed. That guarantee was: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof…” but it didn’t start until 1789.

I found that The Friends/Quaker church started in England in 1652, by George Fox. By 1680 10,000 Quakers had been imprisoned and 243 had died of torture. The founder believed that the presence of God was found within people rather than in churches, all people, men and women equally. He experienced what he referred to as “openings,” instances in which he felt God was talking directly to him. In 1676 George Fox came to America to encourage the ending of slavery among Quakers.

There is so much more to the history, but back to my 9th great grandmother Provided. A poem was written about her experience by John Greenleaf Whittier in 1842-44. He thought that Provided’s mother’s name would be more poetic (I think Provided is perfect) so he named it The Ballad of Cassandra Southwick. There is speculation that he wrote this poem and others to prick the conscious of Quakers to end slavery. Here is the the history of the Southwick’s that Whittier used in his writing:

In 1657 Lawrence and Cassandra Southwick were put in jail for hosting two visiting Quaker preachers,  Lawrence Southwick was found to be a member of the First Church of Salem and was released to be dealt with by the leaders of that church. Cassandra remained in jail for seven weeks and was fined forty shillings for possessing a paper written by their two visitors. The paper was considered heretical by Governor John Endicott and others.

In 1658 the Southwicks and their son Josiah were put in jail for twenty weeks for being Quakers.

In 1659, the two youngest children, Provided and her brother Daniel were sentenced to be sold as slaves in the Barbadoes for unpaid fines – fines related to their being Quakers. (see the featured picture) The sentence was not carried out, however because no one would buy them, no one would take them. After that, the entire family was sent to Shelter Island, New York together.

In 1660 Lawrence and his wife Cassandra died within three days of each other on Shelter Island.

I encourage you to read the poem it’s beautiful. http://myweb.northshore.edu/users/sherman/whittier/quaker/ft_cassandra_southwick.html

Of course their are times that US vs. THEM is a necessary scenario, however I believe it has invaded our lives and is polarizing our country from within and nothing is black and white.

United we stand, divided we fall.     Aesop

“Love more, hurt less. Laugh more, cry less. Live more, worry less. Give more, take less. Hug more, fight less. And most important.. Remember that we are all one! We are love! I LOVE YOU ALL!”

― Abhishek Kumar

Through the Park #metoohero

What a great night, on the way home there’s a little bit of moon light. Time with friends, no cares in the world, what a fun adventure, but that’s not how this night would end.

Danger, Danger ahead, he looks like a giant and wants the grass to be our bed. The alcohol is what I smelled, I don’t know what I yelled. Unwanted kisses, pinned on the ground, would  anyone hear my sounds.

Many parts are not clear, was I frozen? was I fighting? DOES IT MATTER? welcome to my life of fear. His name was Bart and he was well liked, but he had no right. Why do men think they do? why do men look at you?

I heard a voice yell STOP but he was still atop. Tracy Derr an angel for sure came running up and he knew how to get tuff. He pushed Bart off, we watched him stumble away. In that moment a connection was made, one of love for another that swept the fear away. We never spoke of that night again, and though our paths didn’t cross much we are forever friends.

Today I walked through that park with my headphones on to not hear the crunch of the leaves on the ground. Feel what you feel, know what you know, and let it all go.